A will's the only way
GIVING
BY DR. JULIA _EAST President & CEO, Southwest Florida Community Foundation

We all need a will. We know this, but somehow we still just do not seem to get around to formalizing our last wishes. I guess that is it - the last wishes part. Most of us would prefer not to think about our own ultimate demise. When we do think about putting our affairs in order, we usually think about it from our own perspective, that is, that I want to make sure the right people get my stuff.

I want to challenge you to think about the necessity of preparing a will from your loved ones' perspective. Let me tell you a true story that happened to my family a few years ago.

My maternal great aunt and her two sons were very close to "my side" of the family. Her husband had died many years ago (before I was born) when my cousins were very small children. My cousins had virtually no contact with their father's family. Both sides of the family lived in Virginia, while my great aunt and cousins lived in West Palm Beach.

In 1999, my great aunt died suddenly of a stroke. She was not married and she had no will, therefore her belongings would be divided between her two sons. Within six months, my cousin, her youngest son, died of cancer. He was not married, he had no children, and he did not have a will (ironically he was an attorney!), therefore his and his mother's possessions would go to the remaining brother.

Unbelievably, the remaining cousin died of a heart attack within a year, before much progress was made on sifting through his mother's and brother's property and belongings. Like his mother and brother, he was not married, he had no children, and he had no will.

With no will and no children, my cousin's estate would be divided between his aunts and uncles (on both sides of the family), or if an aunt or uncle was deceased to their children (his first cousins), or if a child was deceased to the child's children (his second cousins).

Since the age of 16, I would come to Florida twice a year to visit with my great aunt and cousins. I was undoubtedly the closet member of the family to these three folks, so I was the logical choice to be the personal representative for my cousin's estate.

We notified my cousin's father's side of the family of the death and that I would petition the court to be appointed as personal representative. Their reaction - well, how do we know we can trust her? Excuse me, but you never even met my cousin! The message - they would be watching my every move.

Settling this estate was one of the hardest and most heartbreaking experiences of my life. I had to turn everything into cash. The antique crystal set that I knew my great aunt had meant for my mother, I could not give to my mother. I had to sell it, convert it into cash. The guns that I knew my cousin wanted my brother to have, nope, I had to sell them. The family quilts lovingly made by my greatgreat grandmother that my cousin was to have - sold at auction. The diamond ring my great aunt wanted her friend to have - sold.

It was heart wrenching to see prized possessions of my great aunt and cousins sold at auction for almost nothing, knowing that a simple piece of paper, a will would have put these items into the hands of those who would love them.

So please, I beg you, make a will. If you do not do it for your sake, do it for the sake of the loved one whose heart will break when they cannot honor your wishes because those wishes were not formalized.

For more information on the Southwest Florida Community Foundation Cooperating Collection, call Carol McLaughlin, Chief Program Officer, at 274- 5900.