Alvin and the Chipmunks
GRADE: F
REVIEWED BY DNA SMITH Special to Florida Weekly.............

Running Time: 90 minutes
MPAA rating: PG

There is nothing more certain to suck the will to live from your body than sitting through 90 minutes of watching actors like David Cross and Jason Lee losing every shred of dignity, self-respect and Indie Cred they ever had, while still enduring the insufferable jabbering of a trio of computer-generated rodents.

I would rather undergo a root canal with no anesthesia, while being forced to watch (like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange") a "futuristic reimagining" of "Gone With the Wind" starring Lindsey Lohan and Freddie Prinze Jr. as Scarlett and Rhett on THE MOON, than have to sit through another second of "Alvin and the Chipmunks."

In case you care, here's a basic rundown of the plot: Jason Lee plays David Seville, an ad exec who isn't satisfied with creating stupid ideas to sell products. He also wants to create stupid songs to sell to notalent hacks like Britney, Beyonce, et al. He pitches his songs to a recording exec (David Cross), who doesn't think Seville's songs are crappy enough.

Enter three chipmunks, who just happen to be in the foyer of the record label's building. They tag along to Seville's house, make themselves at home and inspire Seville to write that god-awful "Christmas, Christmas Time Is Here" song that gets shoved down our throats every year. Except this version is Hip-Hopped Up, cuz we all know the cool kids won't dig it unless it sounds like it's from the hood.

The record exec kidnaps the chipmunks and takes them on a grueling tour. David has to save the chipmunks so he can learn Important Lessons About Family.

There are also fart jokes. Kill me.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.