Letters from the lovelorn

Dear SDSN:

Recently I was dating someone, we'll call him Dave. We had a wonderful relationship for the past three months. After dating for some time and having a seemingly flawless relationship together, I was dumped suddenly and without warning. I proceeded to do what any other "rational" newly-ex girlfriend would do, I called him . . . three times. Since then I have emailed him my feelings twice (this is the only way since the bastard won't pick up the phone). I left it alone for about a week, no calls, emails, or texts. I found out today that he went to see his ex that lives out of state last week. So my question to you is, 'What's going on here'? How could this happen? How can I prevent it from happening again and am I going crazy or is this normal behavior?

Yours Anonymously,

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken:

Let me start by saying how sorry I am. Nothing hurts more than being on the losing end of a breakup, especially if you didn't see it coming. I'd love to buy you a beer and tell you how to fix this one, but I think non-responsive D Dave is a lost cause.

Here's what I can tell you: some handy tips for good post-breakup behavior and a solid guide for your next relationship.

Have you ever seen a dog, post-op?

The veterinarian will fix a plastic cone around the dog's neck - those things that vaguely resemble a lampshade - to keep him from worrying at his stitches. I wish I could issue you the emotional version of that plastic lampshade (and I say this with the utmost sincerity and love because, sister, I have been there, too).

Women are natural communicators: we emote more easily than men, we work out our angers and frustrations by talking, we need verbal reassurances of love. When things go wrong in a relationship, we need to hear the "Why?" We pick at the scars, hounding our ex for an explanation, until we are emotionally raw and usually no better off for it.

So, Heartbroken, clamp that plastic cone around your heart and stop worrying at the wounds Dave has caused. Stop the calls, emails, and texts. Once you stop picking, healing can start, and soon your heart will be mended.

When you're healed and ready to get back in the game, add this book to your collection: He's Just Not That Into You.

Every girl on the singles market needs to have a copy of this volume in her library. It lists classic examples of he's just not that into you behavior (doesn't call, doesn't want to spend time with you), and the common excuses women give to deny that he's just not that into them (he's busy, he works a lot).

I saw my own past relationshipsgone wrong in those pages, and I think you'll see some of your relationship with Dave in there, too. It's tough to admit when a guy's just not that into you, but you're better off seeing it early on than 15 texts and still no explanation into a breakup.

Ultimately, the guide's point is that you are worth waiting for a guy that IS into you. And, Heartbroken, I say the same to you. Good luck writing Dave off and all the best in 2008.

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